15-27 June: Gili T, Padang Bai to Sanur

15-27 June: Gili T to Padang Bai to Sanur

Gili T looked great from the water: Turquoise shallows, white sand, waving palms, bamboo and thatch buildings and huts. Aesthetically positioned hotels and businesses. It is the physical manifestation of an imaginary tropical get-away. Much to our delight (and relief) it was as laid back as promised. Yes there are still people trying to sell you stuff, but they are doing it on island time. This place has not suffered from traffic loss. Everyone is laughing and joking most all the time.

We checked out a few places and settled on Dive Indonesia, one of a number of dive/bungalow operations. All shops on the island are PADI 5 star, all charge the same fees: US$30 per dive with a retroactive 5% discount after the 5th dive. The break is in hotel rates for diving with them. There is also a one-time 30,000Rp reef tax. This goes towards the bio-electric reef constructs, as well as to pay the local fishermen to not dynamite fish the reefs.

The place oozes island charm in the daylight, and Bacchanal excess after dark.

There are multiple businesses that have little DVD/TV huts set up. Buy some food or drinks, sit and watch one of about 400 DVD titles for free. One place has what we called ‘The Big Sheet”. A king size flat sheet hung in front of six rows of padded mats with an LCD projection unit. They have 7:00 and 9:00 features. Just buy something to eat and/or drink. During the week we enjoyed Shrek 3, Oceans 13 (just three days post-release), Babel, Four Brothers, and quite a few others.

We dove twice a day. Our regular dive master/guides were Apu and his brother Tam. Being low season, it was just us almost every dive. All dives are boat dives, with a typical depth around 20 meters (60+ feet). Visibility was awesome, usually at least 50 to 75 feet. The areas that had been dynamite fished still showed quite a bit of scarring and dead coral (The fisherman takes sticks of dynamite and tosses them into the water. Concussion kills everything in range and the fish float to the surface to be scooped up by the fisherman). Recovery was obvious, and was proceeding quickly. New growth was abundant and flourishing. The dives were all drift, going with the current. Apu was an underwater eagle, spotting well-camouflaged critters dozens of meters away.

Both crawlies and swimmers abound: Cuttlefish, tropicals, sharks, rays, nudibranchs, lobster and non-herpes turtles. We see lots of turtles in Hawaii, many of which have large tumorous growths from turtle-herpes. Soft and hard corals are food and board to uncountable legions of sealife. JD would burn through a set of batteries before a dive was finished each and every time. Inevitably the neatest thing to see would show up after the final flashing red battery indicator went out. Oh well. The few hundred shots he did manage to take will just have to do.

Around 6pm the assorted restaurants would set up the daily fresh seafood trays. Little barracuda, grouper, bugs (lobster & prawn), and such, all caught right of the beach. Your choices are then grilled to your specs as you watch. A little dinner, movie and ice cream becomes an easy habit. We have yet to find food anywhere that measures up to Ubud, but we are not starving either.

Gili T has no motorized vehicles at all. Transport is by foot, bicycle and pony cart. It is also primarily a party island. They take their parties very seriously. A daily (nightly?) roving party is pre-scheduled in 7 different bars. It is all but impossible to find lodging that does not have a nearby party at least one night. The party starts about 10pm and goes, no shit, to 5am or later. Full techno/funk/trance bass beat thumping to the wee hours. Indonesia Dive was strategically located between Tir Na Nog (“The Irish Bar”) and Rudy’s Pub. Rudy’s was, according to the locals, the best party. Tir Na Nog was second. Rudy’s hosted Friday nights. The Irish bar had Tuesdays. These were the soothing island sounds we got to sleep by… Sleep being a relative descriptor, for three of our eight nights. This place must be completely insane during high season. A small price to pay considering how excellent everything else was, especially compared to Lombok proper. In deference to the Islamic holy month of Ramadan, the parties actual stop. This is around October. The island mosque, like all mosques, has loudspeakers to give the five daily calls to prayer. The only tough one is the sunrise call. It is important to find lodging away from the broadcast towers…

According to the locals, busy season starts in about three weeks. Italians first, followed by the Germans, then the Ozzies. “Augustus” can get so busy it is impossible to walk along the street. People will show up and there are no rooms left at all. Sleeping on the beach is risky, mostly because high tide comes all the way in. The locals are laid back and relaxed. They are actually enjoying the last of the calm before the season. 1,500 full time residents live on Gili T, with another 1,000 or so between Gili Meno and Gili Air. Quite a few commute between islands. Meno and Air are much less party/activity oriented.

All manner of recreational substances are boldly advertised for those who partake. Don’t think it’s all kids ripping it up either. There was a family group from St Louis: Parents, parent’s friends and the kids. (Kids being in their twenties or so) The patriarch, whom the locals called Mr. Beer, though he preferred the moniker “Uncle Beverage”, would be up shortly after KK and having his first beer of the day. With his beer he would have a morning smoke. The type our Ozzie mate Gil calls ‘Wacky Baccy”. The bartender would twist up a big fat spliff and Mr. Beer would relax, toss back a few cold ones and get his first buzz of the day on.

We had a treat for our goodbye dinner. We decided to go to the “resort” waterfront restaurant, candles, music, waves, etc. The Maitre D’ had actually been to North Dakota on a restaurant exchange program. He seemed to think we were some kind of entertainers and tried to get us to perform. KK is often mistaken for Bonnie Raitt… The meal itself was different. JD had ordered a honey-roasted breast of chicken with veggies. What he received was a mangled de-boned thigh of unknown origin, tougher than leather and pretty much inedible. KK had a delightful sweet and sour fish. It’s all worth a good chuckle.

We have a 7 am departure to catch the private ferry in Sengiggi. It is also Friday Night Party at Rudy’s. Who needs sleep anyway?

There is not a lot of sunrise activity on Gili T. KK was usually the only one up and about for her morning walks/yoga by the beach. She did get approached by a “Kuta Kowboy” the first morning we were there. Kuta Kowboys are the Bali/Lombok version of a gigolo. He had offered to take her on a nice boat ride to see the sunrise. She mentioned her husband would really enjoy that as well… He paled a bit, mumbled some apologies and took off. The sunrises are indeed spectacular, if you can be conscious at that hour (6:35am along the equatorial region…)

For our O’dark thirty departure it was up at 6, packed and off to the boat landing by 6:45. JD had checked out the Rudy’s party until about midnight. He figured if it was going to keep him up anyway, he might as well see what was going on. It looked to be everything advertised. Two English blokes we had been diving with and he enjoyed some local coffee before the event to keep their energy up. One of the blokes was still up and waved goodbye when we headed towards the boat.

Interesting sidebar: The English blokes were both carpenters. They would work 4 to 6 months per year, then holiday the rest. Why? If they crossed into the next income bracket, even by a few pounds, their tax rate would go to almost 60% from 40%. So unless they could guarantee themselves enough additional income, it would cost them more to keep working.

The Lonely Planet guides are fantastic resources. Facts are as researched as they can be, Considering the shear volume of information, fluidity of businesses and ever changing political nature of many countries LP does a fantastic job collecting and updating their info. As a whole their editorial policy is to always try and say something nice. They do have “hazards & warnings” sidebars, though never as a focus of information. When Lonely Planet says the port village of Bangsal is a pit with no reason to exist other than to provide a home for the bottom feeding scum of Lombok, we do take notice. Bangsal is a fly-speck on the shore of Lombok onto which almost all boats leaving the Gili’s unload. The denizens that haunt this off-load point are the crème de’ la crème of the scammers, cons, pickpockets and rip-off artists. LP recommends avoiding this port if at all possible.

Of course, our boat-bus-ferry trip has us dropped here first. Even at 7am the scammers try to tell you the bus has left, there is no Parma boat, Boat is cancelled, they will happily drive you, etc, etc, etc. We had been prepared for that. What we did not expect was the ¾ mile trek to the actual transfer bus. Thank goodness we had lightened up our backpack load in Bangkok.

The Parma boat was great. It had about 30 people, including a couple from Ballard (Seattle). JD noticed a pair of Keen sandals and an REI backpack and made the assumption of Portland or Seattle which made him seem “spooky” to the unknowing couple. They being surprised that he could intuit where they were from. There was breakfast and lunch, and a section of deck covered in beach sand. All in all a pleasant trip, for 100,000 RP less than the trip over. And no puke on KK’s feet. This alone making it worth twice what we paid.

A night in Padang Bai seemed like a good idea. We didn’t want to hold a grudge against the place just because the transport touts are a bunch of manipulative shits. It is a quiet little place once you are away from the dock. We found a “rice-loft” style bungalow to call home for an evening. Fans and mozzie net. It had character, and it also had a hole in the mozzie net… On JD’s side. Still not awful. The used bookshop in town gave us our best trade-in rates ever. Traded two, and got a different one in return. We had a bite at a waterfront place. The host/owner asked where we were from. When he heard America he got a huge grin, waggled his thumb and pinky and growled “Whaaazzuupppp!” Sometimes it is OK to be embarrassed by our pop culture. Though I’d still rather hear ‘whaaazzzuuup” than anything about Paris Hilton…

Some of the mandatory tools of modern travel are ATM and credit cards. All good banks are paranoid about unexpected charges, especially from foreign nations. That is why you should always make sure your card issuer’s know your specific itinerary. Twice even. Inevitably, they will freeze your card anyway, at least once. For JD it was in Oz. Handled with a quick overseas call on a calling card. KK’s card was frozen here in Indonesia. We knew it had to be from the dive-hotel charge. Bank of America sent her an e-mail saying her account was frozen, and it gave an online system to confirm charges. It wouldn’t let her in. We had to call. Did you know there in no way to make a collect overseas call from Bali? Nor could we use any of our three calling cards. We didn’t have the cell phone (it was in Bangkok) so we couldn’t buy a cheap SIM. We had no intentions of picking up the tab for a direct dial call with the twenty-minute voice mail maze either.

Since we have more than one bit of plastic we were still fine. It was more annoying than anything else. We moved along to Sanur (“Snore” for the more active travelers).

Sanur is unique amongst the tourist resorts of Bali. All buildings are restricted to less than three stories, Touts are not allowed to roam free and piss off the tourists. The beach has a wonderful paving-brick esplanade that runs its entire length (again without the pestering type touts). Clean white sand, and a reef break about 50 meters out that keeps the water just offshore calm and serene. It is the only city that is still controlled by the priests. When the first tourist hotel went up in the early 60’s, they immediately saw the possibilities, both good and bad, of the industry. They laid down the rules quickly, and have not veered from them since. This doesn’t mean there are no shop, restaurant or transport touts, it just means they have stricter, enforced regulations concerning where and how they can annoy you…

We found an amazing organic foods and juice place, making KK’s weekly fast day so much easier, as well as an Italian restraint to die for. There was also a gelato stand attached to the Italian restaurant… ‘Nuf said.

There was a family from Hawaii staying at the Segung Agung. They had lived in Key West for 9 years before they got tired of the hurricanes. Fix your property up, get it all blown down, fix it up again. It gets old after a while.

The few days in Sanur where a pleasant way to end our Indonesia trip. We hooked up with “Jonny Gusti” for transport to the airport. The transport touts are still numerous in Sanur. Jonny Gusti figured out a niche. Once he was able to confirm our Americaness, he went full patriotic: He had a cap from a US warship based in San Diego, a US flag on his hip pouch which he took off and kissed, and a collection of John Denver memorabilia. Whipping out a harmonica he played Amazing Grace and that West Virginia John Denver tune. (He played both extremely well.) It completely endeared KK, and even impressed JD. We still figured he could do the same for two or three countries at least, but hell, you do what you gotta do to get business here. At least he was trying.

We had time to see Ulu Watu, Dreamland and a short driving tour of South Bali. Our departure day coincides with one of the two primary holy days. This one is Good & Bad Spirit Day. Appease the good, drive away the bad. EVERYONE is in ceremonial garb, with extra elaborate offerings being carried about, attached to vehicles, hanging from walls, plus all the normal daily offering locations.

We had been watching tall bamboo penjor being assembled and planted for the past couple of days. They are 20 feet tall with banana leaf frills and fronds, dried flowers and a hanging palm frond basket at the top. They are a direct offering to Gunung Agung (Mother Mountain). They stay standing for 30 days, are dug up and burned (in a ceremony of course), and the ashes are buried. As we have mentioned, the Balinese take their ceremonies very seriously.

Ulu Watu is one of the oldest temples on the island. It is built into the western facing Cliffside of South Bali. We are able to wander most of the grounds, however, being a holy day we cannot enter the temple courtyard or the temple itself. It is a spiritually powerful location, with a combination of rugged earth, crashing waves and a huge ocean vista. The sunsets are allegedly the most amazing on earth. We can see the possibility of that being an accurate statement. Next time we will show up in the evening.

Dreamland is development gone astray. The original plan was an upscale condotel/home community with golf course, shopping, entertainment, etc. The reality was a takeover by the indescribably corrupt son of the prime minister who spent more time lining his and his cronies pockets with developer kickbacks and less time actually building anything. There is a small surfer’s cove that actually does have a regular clientele, just not from the demographic envisioned.

Indonesia needs your last 100,000 Rupia as a departure tax. Indonesians also have to pay the same. This makes international travel virtually impossible for the typical Indonesian citizen. We pay our 200,000 Rp and head to the international gates. Even here the shop touts aggressively try to get you into their shops. We are off to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia!

Observations on Bali/Lombok:

Bali as an island is beautiful, lush, full of artisans and craftspeople, and has an impressive level of local spirituality.

There are an infinite number of crooks, scammers, cons and rip-off artists.

There are an equal number of people with a fierce pride and devotion to their island and way of life. (Yes some are from the above category)

A very large number of the island’s Hindu population (read: most of the island) are not real keen on Muslims right now.

The best rule of thumb: “Don’t Trust Anyone”

The economic desperation leads to aggressiveness, which turns off visitors, leading to more desperation…

After the political interference in 1963, resulting in a major volcanic eruption, the Balinese people are ever skeptical and wary of the government based in Jakarta.

The positive still outweighs the negative. We will be back, and intend to fill part of a shipping container with stuff.

Statistics:

Days in-country: 27
Photos taken: 1,860
Touts refused: 2,546,897
Touts used: 12
Wrong change: almost every time
Correct change: 16
Times “NO” said: 124,234,145,789.
Average Temp: 32 C (89 F)
Rainy Days: 0.5
Dives: 16 each

13-15 June: Sengiggi (Lombok), Indonesia

13-15 June: Lombok- Sengiggi

Lombok is the first island east of Bali. It has a typical Indonesian population, 95% Muslim, 5% everything else. It has a greater air of desperation amongst the common people and it is really hurting economically. Lombok proper has yet to recover from the religious riots in 2000. There are a number of tiny islands off the coast. The word for tiny island is “gili” [gill-ee]. The northwest corner of Lombok has Gili Meno, Gili Air and Gili Trawangan (Gili “T” for short) offshore. The Gili’s have suffered the least economically, and have had all but a full recovery to normal tourist traffic. Our plan is too spend three or four days in Sengiggi, supposedly the mellow non-abusive coastal town, then transfer to Gili Trawangan for a week of scuba diving.

Our intro to the Lombok ideology began on Bali. Padang Bai is the “port” village for the Lombok ferry. As you enter the town your transport is literally surrounded by touts. Picture a celebrity limo, or a white-collar criminal’s car outside a courthouse, being engulfed by paparazzi. Instead of cameras, the touts are all shouting ‘Transport Lombok! Gili! They stopped poor Gusti Gusti in his tracks. Unfortunately JD needed to hit the only ATM, forcing a stop before the ferry terminal area. It was a bit insane. Gusti Gusti needed to ask exactly where the ticket office was. Lets call this Error #1. We had been forewarned about porters and such and knew to not let anyone help us in any way or fashion with instructions or lifting. Gusti brought us to a storefront that boldly proclaimed “Ticketing Office”. Looked official… JD went inside, Error #2. There were two other tourists buying tickets. Everyone was a bit frenzied, “ferry leaving! 10:30!” It was about 10:25. The counter guy quoted 500,000 Rupia for ferry and transport to Sengiggi. In the rush JD was doing math for the private ferry, not the public, and was allowing western perspective to cloud his thoughts- Error #3. A US$25 per person charge for a 4-hour ferry ride and transfer is cheap by US standards, but this is not the US… 3 little errors to 1 expensive lesson.

We shuffle off to the boat. A stereotypical Indonesian ferry: large & unclean. Exactly the kind of conveyance that makes western news by being overloaded and sinking. Marine grade rust, held together by multiple layers of epoxy paint, spit, oil and small bits of baling wire. Being slow season, it was not overloaded. It was still filthy, and permeated with the bouquet of Eau’ De Diesel and unidentifiable organic compounds. As the boat is leaving the dock a little flag began waving in the back of JD’s head. It did not seem logical that all of the Balinese (or actually any…) on board could afford 200,000 Rp for this ferry ride (after all, the average monthly family income is less than 150,000 Rp…). A review of the Lonely Planet guide confirmed his sinking feelings. The passage for two should have cost about 40,000 Rp, a tad more than US$4. An hour-long bus ride should never cost US$46… What we had paid was even more than the private ferry rate. The private ferry has no more than 40 passengers, serves two meals, and has an actual sandy area on the stern sun deck for catching rays and is faster. Initially, JD was pretty pissed off. Then he got over it.

We didn’t move around too much, just kicked back on the stern upper deck and watched some guys fixed line fishing off the back of the boat. They did all right, catching six or so mackerel-type fishes. KK had a need to follow the call of nature. The toilettes on the ferry were all squat-style. (Squat, do your business, pour a few buckets of water in to flush). The gal in the next stall was violently sea-sick. When she poured her water in to clear the bowl, a lot splashed out… right onto KK’s feet. How does one make a happy red-head? Not by bathing her feet in puke, I’ll tell you that for nothing. Even the callous softening properties of stomach acid did not mitigate the foulness of the Vomit Foot. It was no mean feat (pun absolutely intended…) preventing KK from throwing her despoiled footwear overboard.

When the boat docked, we found our transfer van driver. Our ride to Sengiggi was shared with a Belgian couple. They too had realized they had been ripped off. As expected we were in a “kidnap” transport. They brought us to their tourist booking office in Sengiggi. “Good Deals! You make booking, then we bring you that hotel”. We were about 50 meters from our planned hotel. We grabbed our packs and started walking. The drivers panicked. “Where you go?!?!?” We mentioned our hotel. “Oh No! Not clean. Very noisy, next to club, music to loud! This office make best deal!” JD was not feeling charitable, or polite. Off we went. Our first choice hotel was full. Not bad for a dirty noisy place… We headed towards the second choice. We picked up three or four “street touts”. (A street tout has nothing specific to sell. They work as freelance consultants. They will expect tips and commissions for bringing you to a specific location or business) We repeatedly explained we had a place and knew where we were going and tried to get the boys to bugger off. There were rooms available, and we negotiated for the superior room. It was still overpriced. However, we were tired of evading touts: Transport touts, kitsch touts, freelance touts, restaurant touts, and tourist services touts. KK likened them to sandflies, without the charm and personality. They annoy you when you are moving, then swarm you completely when you stand still. We had rejected dozens in the 150 meters we had walked so far. It did not bode well for Sengiggi, or us.

Ever been sitting on a toilette, minding your own business, when someone begins pounding on the door. Or maybe the overeager housekeeping service banging on your door at 7 am to service your room? It is not the end of the world, but it is annoying. Now imagine dozens of people, pounding on the imaginary doors, walls, windows and ceilings of your day, all day. Over and over and over. Every time you sit down anywhere, anytime. Each and every one wrapped in a flaring overwhelming sense of need and desperation. It gets old really fast. It is draining. The need to always count your change at least twice, not being able to trust anybody, having to triple check and then confirm the price of everything no matter how trivial, and the need to always have your guard up at full strength makes it difficult to just enjoy the experiences. JD left the northeast because of the dog-eat-dog nature of the region. NYC is one big happy hippie commune compared to here.

We still endeavored to explore and enjoy Sengiggi. There are a number of great looking food places, as well as a couple of active clubs and lounges. All have aggressive touts out front to steer you in for a meal or drinks. We had a delicious meal at a smaller place on the main drag. Jimmy the Maitre D was entertaining, and only tried once to sell us a driving tour of the island. We had to ignore and reject only 8 or 9 street vendors during our dinner. The low-tech Indonesian telemarketer technique: always get the mark during a meal. At least at home you can turn off the ringer to ignore telemarketers. In Sengiggi they just walk up to the hedge along the dining area and stick their wares over your table and say “Good Price! X dollars!”. Kimberly has begun to say “Zero Dollars?!”. This gets a real laugh, and they take the hint about half the time. The other half begin to haggle, with KK never budging from zero. KK loses patience quickly (imagine that…) and authoritatively announces “NO I’M EATING!”. Which almost always gets a “maybe later?” Then they will stand and stare. Just like Eddie the dog from Frasier.

KK was beat and was ready to sleep. JD went to see the live music at Papaya Restaurant. Papaya has “Crazy Time” from 9:30 to 10:00, two-for-one drinks. They had good music, and a decent pour. The vodka came in a glass with ice, an extra shot on the side, and a separate bottle of club soda. Mixers are not included in the drink price. JD had a few and enjoyed the jams.

Our deluxe room with TV, Fridge, Hot Water, A/C, sitting area and western toilette had a TV with three channels, all in Bahasa, a missing fridge, and a shower that trickled lukewarm water rather than showered with hot. The grounds were especially beautiful to the small pack of stray dogs that called it home.

Our day of true adventure began innocently enough. KK is up early, as is her wont. JD is slightly the worse for wear after enjoying crazy time. KK is out on the front deck, enjoying her early day quite time. Only the groundskeepers are there to tell her about their friends who can drive us to [insert local scenic thing here] when she notices something odd. Literally. There were an odd number of shoes. While in Asia, we are in the habit of leaving our shoes outside. Everyone else does as well. It is customary and polite. KK’s first thought is JD was a bit tipsy when he got back to the room, maybe he left one outside and wore the other in… That really did not make sense, and she noticed one of the stray dogs walking along. She stuck her head in the room and announced she thought a dog stole one of JD’s shoes. Even in his grogginess he knew if a shoe was missing, that was indeed the cause. KK went to the front desk and they had a groundskeeper go walkabout with her. They found JD’s sandal a bit worse for wear; chewed heel strap, torn upper and shredded lace, covered in drying dog slobber. It was still functional as a shoe. This is good, as there are not many places that carry JD’s size footwear. In fact, we haven’t found any yet.

Ever go to a koi or trout pond? One that sells fish nuggets to feed the fish? Fish will ball up on top of each other when a shadow falls across the water. They know deep in their little fishy minds that if they are good fishes and get to the front of the mass, magic food will appear right in front of their mouths! This is the best analogy I can come up with to describe the behavior of the common Indonesian, and especially Lombokian, salesperson. If they pile around enough westerners, one or two will throw money at them to make them go away. If there is a barrier: fence, hedge, 8-foot concrete wall, etc, they will try to pile up where the mark (read: “customer”) has no choice but to see them.

The hotel restaurant had a wonderful open-air view of the beach and ocean. KK had to eat with her back to it. The beach touts would congregate at the fence and shout at you if you were looking in that direction, not unlike the fish ball example…

There was an internet café across from the hotel. While working online JD had a deep and urgent need to use the toilette, and went upstairs. It was a sitting bowl with the classic Asian cistern for flushing. (The one pictured is a clean hotel version)JD sat and began the business males begin while sitting. It was at this critical juncture he realized there were no paper products of any kind in this room. There was no little bidet hose either. There were two plastic scoop buckets on the edge of the cistern. One looked to be a neglected home aquarium- three inch long algae fronds, probably a snail or three, and JD suspected some Paleolithic thing with teeth and claws hiding near the bottom. The other seemed sterile by comparison, having only a coating of black slime on the container. Side Note: In Asia and the Middle East it is a grave insult to reach, touch or interact with one’s left hand. This is because the left hand is used to wipe your ass. Not with paper mind you, just to wipe your ass. JD, ever the one to go feral, knew this was a time to do as a native would do. Scooping some water, in his left hand, he did what one does in this circumstance. A good sphincter cleaning and rinse. This is when the really bad thing was noticed. THERE WERE NO SINKS OR SOAPS in the entire building. JD trots (pun still intended…) back downstairs to finish up his online action. KK notices him working one-handed and inquires. 4 weeks later she is still cackling with glee about the whole incident…

KK decides she needs a pedicure (Scrape off the layers of Puke Foot perhaps). A spa is recommended in Lonely Planet, and it is also just across the street. Without going into great detail it is now 4 weeks later and her heels are just about healed. She, without hesitation or reservation, has declared it the absolute worst pedicure she has ever had in her entire life. And she has had hundreds to compare it to. It was like a puppy or kitten had chewed on her heels in an aggressive and not so playful way, and then a 2 year old finger-painted her toes with polish.

We manage to have a late lunch at Tamar. It was delicious: An Indonesian red curry and rice that is superb. We walk around a bit afterwards and grow tired of all the unwanted attention. As we are heading back to the hotel we pass Jimmy the Maitre D at the restaurant we enjoyed last night. There are no customers inside, so he asks if we could just sit at a front table and have a drink to help draw people in. He’ll “make good price” for the drinks… We like Jimmy, and the place, so figure we won’t explode if we have a cocktail. They ended up being the nastiest drinks ever, served with the best of intentions. A Pina’ colada, light on the pina, hold the colada and an astringent rum punch with essence of fruit juice on the side. Thank goodness we only had food the previous evening (which was really good). Sure enough, another three tables filled with westerners while we were there. Each staff person made it a point to stop by our table and thank us for making them business.

The original plan was three or four days in Sengiggi. That will be two or three too many. We negotiated a private outrigger to Gili T. Ahmed was very proud of he and his partners two boats. In a desperate leap of faith we left a small cash deposit…(about US$5-) for “petrol”. We so want to believe in basic human decency we are still willing to extend trust when almost all experience is contrary to that ideal. There are no paper receipts in these types of transactions. We will know if our hope and faith is a dead entity in about 16 hours.

That next morning we packed in record time and trotted off to the beach to catch our ride. It was with an incredible sense of relief we saw the motor attached to the back of the boat, and a number of helpers scrambling about. Our driver was Kamal. He rested his feet on the open gas can and enjoyed a few smokes during the hour-long trip to Gili T. The sea was a bit scrappy with the swells and wind going the same direction as us. With a bit of surfing and the occasional big splash we made it unscathed. Just like the Thai longtail boats we beach rather than dock. The water is clear and warm. No worries. The trick is not to pop a nut holding your stuff (in this case everything we own for a year) overhead.

05-30 May, Koh Samui Thailand

05-30 May 2007: Koh Samui

The nicest weather yet greets us for our departure from Phi Phi. Doing our best pack beast imitations we trudge the ½ mile to the ferry doc. The original plan involved breakfast near the dock, however that was modified when the restaurant was not yet open. A pineapple and two rotis became the brekkie of champions.

Fresh pineapple is available all the time everywhere from fruit stalls and vendors. They cut it into strips; poke it with a skewer, and viola! Pineapple on a stick. Usually around 40 Baht for a whole pineapple. Rotis [row-tees] are another yummy- also called Thai Pancake, it’s a crepe-like delicacy filled with just about anything, topped with sweetened condensed milk (referred to simply as “milk”) and/or chocolate syrup. JD prefers banana topped with chocolate (surprised?) while KK will branch off and try other things- she has currently had mango, banana, and pineapple in assorted combinations. Neither of us has tried egg or nutella. We have learned to request “No Butter”. To give a nice brown crispness, the vendors plop a spoonful of deep yellow stuff onto the griddle after the roti has “set”. They call it butter. Anything that is still solid and showing no signs of separation in 103-degree heat is not from any mammal we are familiar with, so we opt out. If it’s solid on the outside, probably will be solid on the inside.

In true Thai Buddhist fashion, the time the ferry leaves is obviously the time it was supposed to leave, therefore the ferry has left on time. The secret to travel here is to not only accept that mindset, but to actually embrace it. So far, much easier for JD than KK…

We had been told, by three different sources, the Surat Thani bus leaves Krabi at 11:00. Surat Thani is the mainland ferry dock town. The Phi Phi ferry should arrive in Krabi by 10:30. When the travel vouchers are purchased they just have Boat-Bus-Boat written in English, everything thing else is in Thai, including times. Our little stickers are green this trip, with Koh Samui written on them. It really is the local version of “If found, make sure this poor farang is pointed in the correct direction”, and as such is very effective. In perfect lemming fashion, you keep an eye on the other green stickers to see who seems to know where to go.

The Krabi ferry dock is still an impressive modern structure, built before the wave, and none the worse for wear afterwards. The transport company has an office just inside the terminal. A large blow-up photo of our ticket stub is on the wall with an arrow pointing inside. Simple, yet effective. You turn in your onward vouchers, and receive two new vouchers. About a dozen of us, including a poor bloke with a busted ankle, scurry to the bus loading area, as we are all under the impression the bus is leaving really soon. JD had unceremoniously dragged KK out of the toilette to catch the phantom bus… When the other green stickers run, you run after, then ask questions…

It turns out the bus doesn’t leave until 12:30. “Time you eat” are buzz words of the ticket desk lady. The transport company has a reasonably priced and decent quality food stand, which we utilize to stop the long-morning-no-real-food bad attitude death spiral.

Thai busses: There are four distinct types of bus in Thailand. The basic diesel “school” bus: no a/c, bad seats, typically a municipal bus. The next level bus will have ok seats, and possibly a functioning a/c. Oftentimes the bargain fare bus for short runs between towns and districts. Then there is the first-class bus: a/c and video sound system, comfy, but not spacious seating. The be-all end-all of busses is the Executive Class: 24 seats, toilette, NBA player legroom, full surround Dolby 5.1 and plasma screens, quality curtains over the windows. We have only ever seen Japanese tourists getting on and off Executive Class busses.

This brings us to our Thai “bus” adventure during the last trip: Using a booking agent we set up a “bus” for the 3 hour overland trip from Ao Nang to Phuket. Having been aware of the different types of bus, we specifically asked (in English of course…) if it was first class or executive, and were assured it was indeed a first class bus. Here is the exact transcript of that particular experience:

“English is spoken many places. Sometimes it is not really understood… in either direction. Base definitions of certain words don’t necessarily follow through in interpretation. Dog is dog, 50 is 50, water is water, however… Same-Same does not always mean The Same, Hotel does not always mean a tall building with rooms and services, Taxi means any method of transport that gets paid, and Bus most definitely does not always mean large multi passenger transport device. We had booked what we understood to be an air-conditioned bus to travel the 3 hours overland back to Patong. In our minds this meant the plush double-stacked tour buses with the reclining seats and a bathroom on board. (We’d seen many other tourists happily driving past us in this lap of luxury.) What we ended up in was twelve-passenger van with twelve passengers, each, like ourselves, carrying all their worldly possessions on their backs. It was, in a word, cozy. This van looked like a characture of the Beverly Hillbillies truck: Top heavy with rope and twine holding about a 1,000 pounds of bags on a roof rack rated for 500, and no room for “personal space” on the inside. (Ok for us; we lost all concept of personal space eons ago…) It was not what we had envisioned for a three-hour ride.”

That experience in mind, we were a bit leery of what type of “bus” we would end up on for the four-hour ride to Surat Thani. Imagine our joy at seeing a first-class bus when we finally wandered out to the loading area. Some guidebooks do warn of opportunists that ride with the luggage looking for easily resold items… If you live in fear, you will certainly attract the focus of it. Just like in the West: Go with the official brands (Big Names) and you minimize the risk. Can you see Greyhound dealing with the press from that kind of issue?

The official consort for the trip was a twenty-something Thai gentleman with a denim jacket and nice biker-dude wrap-around shades. Almost all transport methods have these consorts to check tickets, answer questions, and offer services at the end of the trip. Sometimes it is the best way to get cheaper lodging and services. They differ from touts by the fact they are employed by the transport company. He came along and replaced our vouchers yet again, with ferry-company issued tickets. JD, with his consummate NY cynicism, figured that denim-dude had figured an opportunity in reselling transport vouchers- for we discovered later that just walking up to the ferry is less than half the price of purchasing a ticket in advance. Even if he was looking to improve his own lot in life, he was still service oriented. He checked with all the passengers to confirm lodging, and ferry-to-lodging transfer. He had a detailed map of Samui to help you visualize the ferry docks relationship to the rest of the island.

OK, another quick note- there will be a few of these to try and provide insight to the machinations of the Thai mindset and economy: Service industry people, especially those in transport, are a gregarious lot. Sure they are looking to make a Baht, however at the same time they know happy tourists = even more tourists. Culturally they are already naturally curious, small talk is consummate politeness. “Where do you come from?” Which is asking where you were earlier, not necessarily your country of origin, and “Where are you going (today)?”, are two primary questions you can hear almost anywhere. On a bus or boat when they inquire, “You have booking already?” they do have a few lodgings at your destination that they are authorized to negotiate for, and if they ask “you have transfer?” you can almost always be assured they will be cheaper than anything you could book in advance. Cheapest can always be found with work, however the risk/reward of hauling your belongings to a distant access road to possibly save a buck is not worth it in our humble opinion.

Koh Samui:

Koh Samui is located in the southern portion of the Gulf of Thailand. It is the third largest island in Thailand, the largest being Phuket. Ancient merchant mariners from China’s Hainan Dao Island where the first recorded settlers on Koh Samui, potentially as far back as 1500-2000 years ago. The Hainanese used the island as a re-watering/ stretch the legs stop off, as well as an “I’m done being on the boat, this place is pretty, I’ll stop here Thank You very much” destination. Reportedly Aristotle has the island indicated, namelessly, on one of his world maps from ancient Greece. It is also the ferry launch point for the infamous Full Moon Party on Koh Phan Nga [kaw pahn-nyah]. The islands primary economic base is coconut. Coconut milk, coconut oils, coconut meats, coconut husk, just about everything and anything coconut. The close second is tourism. The island has a variety of natural and man-made features, aside from the beaches, including three different waterfalls and the Big Buddha.

The ferry to Samui is very modern. Lounge seats, cushioned bench seats, a small café, and lots of space. We arranged for transport with our consort, who was right there when we disembarked to point us to the correct van. Na Thon [nah tawn] is the mainland ferry dock and largest “city” on the island. Koh Samui is about ten years behind the Phuket as far as commercial tourist development goes. There is a good infrastructure, sealed roads, power, water, phone and internet. The northern and eastern beaches have the best quality sand and are the focus of most development. Lamai Beach, the smaller of the two main beach resort towns, is where we are heading.

Green Villa “resort” is were we found our first US$8.50 lodging (300 Baht). That kind of money will get you a small dingy hovel with a 2-inch thick old foam pad on a plywood platform, a squeaky fan, NASTY bathroom, cold-water shower, a single bare fluorescent bulb and sampler of assorted creepy-crawlies. After the first night we “upgraded” to the $11 pool view hut: Same type of sleeping platform, somewhat cleaner bathroom, and a large colony of small ants using the bed as a highway. Yes, it is the tropics, and there are far more ants than people in the world, however we draw the line at sleeping with them. JD has been carrying the borax-based Ant-Rid from Oz. A few large drops strategically placed along the ant run handles the issue. KK had the less than pleasant experience of washing assorted bug bits out of her hair. We are pretty sure they were from the hatch on Phi Phi.

Lamai proper is a few kilometers north. A solid walk on the beach, or a grueling walk along the road. We find quite a few nicer accommodations and have decided we do like a few creature comforts like actual mattresses and bathrooms you don’t feel the need to shower after you have showered in them. Air con and TV are just bonuses. We rented a scooter from the property to make the move… JD, very comfortable with left hand drive at this point, as well as the Thai attitude towards driving, felt it would be easier and cheaper to shuttle all of our stuff than to try and hire transport to go less than 4k. Marina Villa has nice spacious bungalows, daily room service, cheap internet, a great pool, decent restaurant, massage salal and fronts a nice section of beach: 1,000 Baht per night. We consider it a bargain. The grounds are well maintained, and the staff friendly. We are quite happy. We end up happy for 10 days! We just settled in and enjoyed chillin’.

Scooters are readily available for hire everywhere. Seattle has coffee stands- Samui has scooter rentals. Everyone has rental scooters: Hotels, guest houses, massage parlors, travel agents, scooter repair shops, restaurants, some of the girly bars, and even book stores. 200 Baht for an automatic, 150 Baht manual shift, 24 hours rental period. Samui does have the highest motor vehicle incident rate, due primarily to all the farangs renting scooters. Most of these tourists have little or no riding experience at all. Picture a first time driver on any street in NYC during rush hour, and have almost all signs in a language he/she cannot read. Throw in stray dogs, over eager coconut truck drivers, and a certain local flexibility of traffic rules.

That being said, we love renting scooters. Once JD got KK to stop trying to steer by his nipples it has been a good time. JD is comfortable in a flexible rule environment, and is highly adaptable to local conditions. The two most important things to remember are: One: Be Ever Vigilant and Two: NO MATTER what you may believe, the bigger/faster vehicle has the right-of-way. Always. Period. These apply whether it is your lane, your green light, or your section of sidewalk. The kicker is the frequent road signs reminding drivers to stay left. Written only in big English letters. The locals consider left or right lane driving to be more a product of mood rather than any kind of traffic law. If the right side gets you there quicker, then you go up the right, though rule TWO is still in effect.

Our fat farang asses blew out the rear tire not once, but twice in a single 24 hour period… The first time we were in Chewang [shah-wing] (Wayne and Garth speak Thai!). A resort bellman patched it up for us. The next morning we were about 10 K south of town exploring the countryside. While JD nursed it back to trade it in, KK started walking. JD did go back and pick her up eventually… It turns out this was the third flat in two days on this particular tire. It wasn’t our beefy selves; it was repetitive mechanical failure. Since we regularly see four Thai adults on scooters with no tire issues, we were happy to know we don’t weigh much more than your average Thai family…

We fall into a nice relaxing routine: KK is up early for a beach walk, comes back and lets JD know it is time to eat and hang by the pool/sea. During the hang time assorted yumminess vendors walk by with their wares. Our two favorites are the fruit/grilled corn guys and the Meat-on-a-Stick/Papaya salad ladies.

The fruit guys watch for any subtle signal, blink, nod, finger lift, ear wiggle, anything. They can spot your intentions 50 meters away easily. They will hold up a couple of fruits, you indicate which hand is holding what you want. Pineapple is our typical call. The vendor will take a whole unprepped pineapple and in minutes skin it, score it, vertically slice it, add skewers, then bring it, two bananas, a baggy of coconut meat to your chaise. 50 Baht. Mmmmmmm. Did I mention these guys carry all their stuff across their shoulders? All up and down the beach? In the heat of the tropical day? A long bamboo slat yoke carries a small charcoal grill and corn on one side, and a foam cooler (Esky for the Ozzies..LOL) with the produce on the other. Assorted knives hang from a pouch attached to the pole.

The Portable Kitchen Ladies have a similar set-up. A full basket of produce and supplies on one end, and a grill and assorted Meats-on-a-Stick on the opposite. It is pretty much your basic food stall in miniature. Similar rules apply. Certain ladies are busy the minute they walk by. Others take the overflow. Some never seem to have any customers. JD opts to use the one that the actual cook from our property restaurant buys lunch from… The procedure is very hands on. You squat by the grill end and can pick and choose amongst the skewers. Some have chicken (thigh meat), some have organ meats, and there are full wing segments and partial wing segments. All have been par or pre-cooked. Place your choices on a small section of grill and listen to the ladies all gossip in Thai. They all had a smile and giggle with JD working the grill. Men do cook in Thailand, however women are always the ones in charge of a kitchen. When it’s heated to your satisfaction, it is dished up. The green papaya salads are what occupy the proprietress’ time. She will custom mix each one in a wooden bowl to the diners specs. We order one for KK with just a bit of fish sauce (Nam Plaa- “fish water”) and the tiniest bit of fresh chili. KK is still developing her Thai taste buds, and these particular chilies are very Thai. She enjoys the salad even though it is too hot for her to finish.

Most days have the mid afternoon T-boomers that drive us inside for a few hours. Happy Hour and cards fill the time. Cartoons from our youth dubbed in Thai are part of the indoor entertainment. ALL of the old Hanna-Barbera and Merry Melody ‘toons are here: Quick Draw McGraw and Baba Louie, Snagglepuss, Hong Kong Fooey, unedited Bugs and company, Yogi Bear, Scooby, Josie, and pretty much any other politically incorrect, yet still very funny, cartoons of the 20th century. Many are dubbed in Thai, though some are still just in English. The Flintstones in Thai is truly an experience to be had, not described. There is also FOX news, BBC news, Bloomberg, the Australia channel, a German channel, French channel, and dozens of Thai channels.

A can of tonic a day keeps malaria away… as well as mozzie coils and for KK, DEET. JD has returned to his baseline “chomped occasionally” state, while KK is still delectably delicious to man and beast. The biting bug factor is nowhere near the level of the Far North QLD or SW New Zealand.

JD was on an evening walkabout and heard Elvis singing in a pub not 50 meters from our place. It sounded like a good Elvis, so it required investigation. Sure enough “Almost-Old-Elvis” (Not obese, but not 60’s movie either) complete with rhinestone-spangled jumpsuit was performing in the Sir Winston Churchill Bar. It turns out he is a German ex-pat. Samui is chock full of Ex-Pats. English, Ozzie, German, French, Italian, and others. Most of them marry Thai women and then open bars catering to their traveling countrymen. The Sir Winston Churchill Bar is owned by an Irish bloke… OK, hell hasn’t frozen over; it’s really a sixty-something bloke from Liverpool named Dave. He moved here 10 years ago, and took over this bar 5 years ago. He married a Thai woman and adopted her young son. Dave truly enjoys watching holidaymakers having a good time, and not just because they are having it in his bar. Tonight there was a twenty-something with dreadlocks up on stage with Elvis trying to figure out the leg-wobble. Good fun all around.

We decided to devote a day to exploration by scooter. We cruise up to the north coast, about 20 kilometers (13 miles-ish). As we pass the northern town of Bo Phut we are waved off the road into a vacant lot by a uniformed police officer. There are a number of vehicles in the lot. We assume it is a random drug/drinking inspection (Both issues are taken very seriously in Thailand). As the lot fills with no other police presence, we figure it is a piece of heavy construction equipment coming the other way. The officer directing things has no English, but scooters all jockey to position at the front of the lot to wait. After twenty minutes or so the officer waves and says something in Thai. Engines start up and scooters haul ass. We know a hint when we see one, though still surprised we hadn’t seen any reason for the stoppage. As we travel the next 6 kilometers there is a combination of police officers and military personnel stationed every fifty meters along the road… The Thai flag is displayed at least once every ten meters. That is a lot of flags and bodies. We find out later the Princess has arrived on the island for holiday. This was the route taken by her motorcade.

Touts come in many categories. Some are just casually letting you know about a product or service. Some even have a product or service you might be interested in. Both of these types politely accept a “no” or “No Thanks” and will leave you be. The top two types of touts for shear audacity, pestering ability and downright deceit are Indian tailoring shop owners, and Time-Share kidnappers. The advantage you have over the shop owner is the ability to keep walking. Like a funnel web spider, they can’t/won’t stray too far from their lair. DO NOT be sucked in with the promise of air-con “It’s cool inside, you just rest here…” Once inside the lair, these guys could sell Donald Trump a haircut…

The Time Share Kidnappers are much sneakier and harder to shake off. They come in many shapes: A fellow countrymen looking for help, The very friendly farang looking to help you, The guy with a deal too good to keep to himself, The free scratch card guys, and The Scooter Rider with A Deal are the most common forms of this particular vermin. They have an advantage of mobility and multiple languages (Many are fluent in at least three, sometimes five or more), along with absolutely no fear of rejection, or sense of personal space or propriety. They will pretend to need help, to offer help, and without guile use guilt, berating, and protest. They promise a fair exchange of reward (Meals, cash, lodging, etc) for your time and energy. They will swear on any convenient deity it won’t take more than ninety minutes. A free taxi will whisk you away to spend three or four hours saying “no”.

We are old hands at messing with the kidnappers. It becomes a bit like sport; leading them on, playing the bait, and then revealing, “we did it two weeks ago”. The longer we work them, the less opportunity they have to trap some poor innocent. On very rare occasions they do produce a property worth checking out. We did take some time to visit Samui Peninsula and enjoy a number of free iced coffees. We actually played it so well we made it to third tier management trying to make us an offer we continued to refuse…

It was time for a date night. We haven’t been spending enough time with each other. We tried for Elvis, who called in sick. The next option was the “Smooth Pub- Live Music Every Night” (Hey- it’s the full sign…). A three-piece Thai cover band playing everything from Willie Nelson to Top Forty. These guys work seven nights a week. KK came in with a large water bottle, and earned the moniker “Miss Water”. During a set the bass player (named Sawapiri) came over and chatted. After that we were “Mr. and Mrs. America”. He is the PR guy in the band with a remote transmitter that lets him walk out to the street and play. During his set he probably smokes a pack or two, allowing him a great Louie Armstrong rendition. We did get to Elvis the following week.

During our scooter explorations we found “The Mall”. Tesco Lotus grocery/dept store, Cineplex, local Home Depot, food court and shops. Of course the food court involved lots of curries, chilies, fish and coconuts, though there is a KFC, DQ, and Dunkin Donuts. We love to wander in foreign groceries. Tesco Lotus did not let us down. Unique local and regional foods, 140 different varieties of rice, and a snack food aisle that was entirely seafood based. JD had to try the dried spiced cuttlefish as well as the Fire Hot dried fish snacks. Neither was bad, in fact the dried fish snacks are pretty tasty. The cuttlefish has a mystery crunchy bit that is off-putting. JD is not sure if it is the eye or the beak… These yummies are also sold with popcorn at the movies…

We did take the time to see two movies while on Samui: The Shooter and Pirates 3. There is a three tier seating system- Regular 120 Baht (US$3.75), Honeymoon 140 Baht (US$4.28) and Opera 250 Baht per person. Honeymoon seats have a moveable armrest and partially recline. Opera seats have a small table and come with blankets. At the end of previews everyone respectfully stands for a short film with a moving soundtrack that follows the rule of His Royal Majesty the King. The sound system is top notch, and the volume has one setting- we managed to hang on to what fillings we have left.

KK found SPA Samui, a resort that specializes in cleansing fasts. She decided she needed a good cleaning out. JD is moral support. He doesn’t mind adjusting his diet; he just won’t adjust it to nothing… It is a ten-day program. They have a chiropractor on staff that supervises the fasts and cleanings. He is a retired Canadian, been here about five years. They have great food in the kitchen. The only two real negatives are the non-user friendly beach and the absolutely vile mattress.

Between fiber/clay drinks, supplements and colemas we find time to see the Namuang Waterfall 1, as well as the Big Buddha and Wat Plai Laem. Timing the day is critical, as KK is on a very procedurally oriented program. At the end she is ready for food that can be chewed…

The last few days on the island are in Bo Phut, the little ex-fishing village up north. We had found a great organic juice and food place there, and thought the place looked cute. It is an ex-pat community. That means pretty much all the restaurants are western. The local price structure is the highest we have run into so far: Basic Thai meals are 120-180 Baht. That is almost triple the norm. We do manage to hunt down a few hidden Thai places. Much to our surprise there are no food stalls. Bummer that.

The next phase of the trip has been arranged: Two days in Bangkok, then on to Bali/Lombok, Indonesia for three and a half weeks. On the return to Thailand we have a four-day stopover in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.