After saying goodbye to the Massengills, it was time to find some semi-permanent lodging (Yes, after not staying in any one property for more than two weeks straight, six weeks becomes semi-permanent…). Six more weeks in Chiang Mai is the plan. Elephant volunteering, Tai Chi certification and dental work top the list of things to do. Full apartments need six-month commitments. We settle on a hugely spacious room-by-month with a California king, A/C, cable, daily servicing, and some dodgy wireless. It was US$15 a day… Hey, we are worth it!
Six weeks to observe northern Thailand: In the US we tell Southern/Redneck jokes. Thailand pretty much tells Northern Thai jokes (“If you see a rooster on the side of the road and think “I’d get 5 to 1 against Pokpoon’s weaker birds with that cock” you might be from Northern Thailand”…) I discovered that while it impresses the local population when a farang tries to use local dialect, they do not like it when central an southern Thais do. They have a sensitive spot about the razzing they take for being more laid back and feel that the rest of the country is being patronizing and superior when speaking “local”. Try speaking Good Ol’ Boy in Alabama with a New York accent and you can see what I mean.
Have we mentioned the Thai relationships to their dogs? Little dogs are huge here. The kind you can wear as slippers. Pet pampering is just now coming in vogue, not quite up to doggie spa and counseling services, but they do get collars, t-shirts and pet specific food. Strays are an issue. When someone is tired of his or her pet, they just drop it off at a nearby wat and hope the monks will take care of it. Needless to say this is not an effective approach. You almost never have to worry about aggressive strays however, as all dogs know from puppyhood they are the bottom of the chain. Interestingly enough, they also have no discipline or training whatsoever.
Thais rarely display anger in a physical fashion. If you are pissed off during an interaction, it is great shame to demonstrate any type of temper towards another person. However, it is perfectly acceptable to kick any and all passing canines. This serves three purposes: The angry person gets to vent, the source of the anger gets to see just how angry the other is, and dogs learn they have no recourse whatsoever. A dog that “talks back” will have a high probability of becoming lunch somewhere…
Adventures in transport:
The red trucks are handy, but if you want to go more than a few places in a day, renting a scooter is the most cost-effective way of getting around. 125 Baht (US$4) a day is the going rate for rentals. Our lodging also rents the little two-wheeled monsters. JD is comfortable with the local traffic patterns, and feels confident in his ability to get around the meandering alleyways and side streets that form the bulk of Chiang Mai roadways. Just like on Samui, it is a matter of having a flexible dynamic approach to things like lanes, direction of travel, stoplights and pedestrian (non) rights of way.
There is a very very important aspect of driving in Thailand every farang must keep in mind: If anything goes wrong; your fault, my fault, nobody’s fault; the farang is responsible. If you find yourself as a hood ornament on a van that shot out of a blind alley without looking, and you are not Thai, you are at fault. If you stopped at a light and two vehicles completely unrelated to you have a collision, and you are a farang, you will be, in some way, at fault.
Yes… We had an incident, and by being farang, were at fault… While making a right turn into a driveway on a one-way street, a Thai grandmother tried a hole shot on our right side. Here I was, thinking I was as close to the curb as I could get, signal on, slowing down. At the apex of the turn (apex not meaning a lot on a 125cc scooter…) both KK and I heard this keening wail (“Eeeeeeeeeeee!) in the micro seconds before impact. Between us we had significantly more mass than anything else on two wheels. As with all collisions, size wins. The poor grandma was thrown from her scooter, possibly broke a wrist, abraded both legs and her arm, and had some damage to her scooter. We had nothing. No scratch, ding, bend or otherwise. She, and the nearby onlookers had no English. We did not have enough Thai to communicate effectively. Luckily a passing French ex-pat was able to interpret for both of us. After a few minutes a local cop stopped to help. He also had no English. He was also not a traffic cop, he was a crime cop, so this was not his area. However he was happy to stick around and help. JD put him on the phone with the owner of our place, who was then able to tell us what was going on. The Frenchman gave some very sage advice: NO matter what the scenario, we are the rich foreigners and therefore we are responsible. He also mentioned to never give our passports to any official who was not in a customs and immigration booth.
Grandmother’s daughter and granddaughter showed up, as well as a few family friends. After an aid car wrapped her wrist we all journeyed off to the police station. One of our prime directives during this trip was to NOT SEE the inside of any foreign police stations. Blew that one… The owners of our hotel, a Thai woman (Oriphim) and her Aussie hubby (Lauren) met us there to assist with language issues. Even though our scooter turn signal was on, even when we got back on the bike to head to the station, the officer was the witness that we turned without it. (He had magic vision, seeing this from five-minutes away…) Lauren reiterated what the Frenchman had said: We are the rich farangs. We are at fault. Period.
Everyone was confused as to why we kept mentioning insurance… Until Lauren was able to explain that in America, we would exchange insurance info and let them take care of everything. Everyone had a good chuckle at that. It does not work that way here… In Thailand, the injured party comes up with a number. The at-fault pays them cash on the spot if it is a reasonable amount. The police write up a nice form saying it is all done and good, everyone signs, and the event never happened. Then we understood.
Grandmother felt that 4,000 Baht would cover all of her needs. Both Oriphim and Lauren thought it seemed reasonable amount. US$110, plus a US$11 (400Baht) traffic ticket and problem solved.
After the money exchanged hands we were all best friends: Smiles, Wais, Apologies, More Wais (remember the wai is the palms together in front of the face with a small bow, a sign of respect as well as a status indicator) and off we went. We had to give Oriphim and Lauren the “Thanks Mom-Thanks Dad” as we left the station for mediating our little adventure (they are our age). It so felt like our parents had been there to bail us out.What kept the encounter mellow, we are sure, was the fact we have gone feral enough to understand this: Never get wound up. Never ever raise your voice. Remain calm, all is well. The toughest part was not immediately rendering aid to Grandmother. In her world two giant barbarian farangs had just crashed her to the Earth. Touching anything that hurt would not have been well received, no matter what our intentions.
Mother and Grandmother are terms of absolute respect in all Asian cultures. Grandmother, in our little moped snafu, couldn’t have been much past her late fifties. Everyone who had English referred to her as “Old Lady”. KK pointed out that in the states even calling an octogenarian “old lady” could get you sued for defamation. Here again, it is a position you have to earn, therefore a good thing.
Tidbits:
While food surfing the Wararot market (the one with the bugs) JD picked up some breaded shrimps on a stick (JD LOVES food on a stick…) Presumption and assumption are the food-stall
surfer’s worst enemies. After biting into the first one, he knew something wasn’t right. It was too fishy and too dark. Peeling the crust off the second exposed a fried fish head… These were breaded smelt, probably from the highly scary and suspect river Ping. Oops. He immediately sought something familiar- pork sausage on a stick looked good. It was really lard in a casing with a few pork bits. Not the texture and flavor extravaganza he was hoping for. Feeling a bit apprehensive he picked up some pork gyoza (steamed dumplings). These were amazing! And could be picked up with a stick to be eaten. And they came in both pork (“moo”) and shrimp (“gueng”). These became a safe foodstall staple, and could be found throughout the north. 60 cents for five.The Chiang Mai Saloon is a western (US) themed pub and restaurant. Free pool, fooseball, internet, and decent happy hour prices, combined with a very western menu (Chili fries, big burgers, tex-mex options, etc) are the draws. JD had wandered in on his birthday. The owner, as you might expect, is a large Texas ex-pat. He was chatting about two miniature Dobermans he had owned. They had the skills to regularly get out of his yard. The Dobies had a bad habit of hunting the local poultry. Every day the ex-pat would have a perturbed villager or two show up with the remnants of the family chicken(s). He was spending a couple hundred Baht a day on chicken he couldn’t eat. While this was bad enough, the dogs then started going after the fighting cocks. These are not only pricier; they are not that easy to replace with a same-same bird. In horse terms: If you own Secretariat, are racing Secretariat, more importantly- Breeding Secretariat, you cannot just replace him with a nag named Fleabite (who spends most of a race looking at the other horses butts). That’s when the Texan realized he needed to replace the wayward pooches. Fighting cocks are in the thousands of Baht price range. Just because Thais don’t get publicly angry doesn’t mean they won’t burn your house down for killing their source of real income…
KK’s Tai Chi Time (written by KK herself!):
Initially JD and I thought it would be good to get some time apart after so many months, hours, minutes and at times glacially elongated seconds together so, while he was at elephant camp I was to be in Tai Chi classes. It didn’t end up that way, but perhaps for the better as it gave us a bit more time apart. I started class a few days after he returned from his volunteer duties. 8 days of Tai chi starting at 7:30 in the morning and ending at 6:30 at night. 48 hours of Tai Chi in 8 days. The goal of our instructor is for his students to leave class able to dance on their own.My class had 4 students including myself. The youngest, Sophie, is a young college professor from Holland. Next is Jo, a seriously strong rock climbing chick from Ireland who curtailed her excess energy during the week by “jumping around like a bunch of Kansas City faggots” (a Blazing Saddles reference for those not in the know) between sessions. And lastly, if we take myself out of
the group equation, the token male, Andrew. A British Canadian who had at least partial ownership of homes in London, Vancouver and Spain. He sports some fabulous tribal tattoos that push me a bit closer to getting another tat of my own. Philosophically/politically he and I came from different places yet there was no question regarding his fiercely good taste.Our coach is Keith and his right hand in class for critique and motherly calm is Tim (“Teem”), a beautiful Thai woman. They have been business partners for 10 years and clearly know well the
subject they teach. www.taichithailand.com Not only did we learn Tai Chi Chuan, the essential thirteen postures, but we also meditated sometimes 3 times a day and learned some Chi gong. We reviewed passages from the I Ching , discussing philosophies of Taoism and Buddhism with a bit of comparative religions thrown in. East verses West. Long discussions on the Yin Yang model, the baqua and its significance.Fortunately my understanding of the bodies mechanics and my yoga background helped my learning curve a great deal. I found the postures of Tai Chi relatively easy to learn. The eventual goal of Tai Chi is that of moving meditation. While I have been practicing it almost daily since class
ended I am nowhere near the point of being able to use Tai Chi for meditation. I still must think about the moves. How to continuously improve on each one and how to SLOW down. Some people take Keith’s class 3 and 4 times. Initially, I was surprised by this, as class is so intense and complete. I know now after a month plus of doing Tai Chi on my own why they return. The more fluid I get the more questions that seem to arise about the postures. About how the postures transcend the dance and are reflected in every day situations. It is a bit like skiing; constant evaluation and improvement of technique just add philosophy and some personal insight.Through the class we also had the opportunity to meet some truly gifted local healers. I saw a Chinese medical doctor who concocted the most putrid bunch of herbs I have ever had the displeasure of choking down. Odd, since they were so potpourri pretty until they were cooked; then they tasted and looked like chewed tobacco spit which has been basting itself in a warm beer bottle for days after cooking. Or what I would imagine that tasting and looking like as I am without any real self experience with chewing tobacco beer swill.
We also saw a Shaolin Tendon Massage master. Hands down the most physically painful body
work either JD or I have ever had received. And possibly some of the most amazing. We were told that seeing the sultan of pain would add 5 years to our lives. We both saw him twice. He spoke almost no English, was highly intuitive and had beautiful skin. I watched him work on JD and I know now, for a fact, that JD can levitate. While I knew my husband had 
many talents his new ability to hover in air while panting in exorcist type pain remains clearly etched in my minds eye. Post demon removal JD can now also touch his toes without bending his legs, rotate his left arm outward completely (he 
hasn’t been able to do that since he broke his arm when he was 12) and clasp his hands behind his back (one hand behind his head, the other coming up past his kidney). Virtual flexibility.And last, after finishing Tai Chi and my extensive dental work, I saw a Craniosacral specialist and energy healer named Rosemary. I hope to learn from her in the future as I think she is one of the most truly gifted and mentally healthy empaths I have ever had the pleasure to meet. I only wish I had had more time to see her than my one visit. Fortunately she is in the states several months out of every year.
Between the Tai Chi and these gifted healers I had a few profound insights. To the point that I am ready to once again go back into practice. This is a huge statement, for those who do not know, as I really thought at the onset of this trip that I was done doctoring. I know that the parameters of my future practice will be vastly different than my previous one, but I am ready to create again. This feels exceptionally good. So perhaps I am getting a bit of meditation from my Tai Chi already, even with my still limited skill level. Tai Chi is definitely a dance that feels very very good to me.
Dentistry in Thailand:
Thailand is a destination country for “Medical Tourism”. Yes, it is a real term. Bangkok is home to the pre-eminent gender modification surgeons of the world. Boobs, Lips, Thighs, Vagina’s, etc. You can get it done here, by Doctors trained in the States, for less than a quarter of the cost at home. The Thais also take their teeth very seriously. Anyone of any affluence has perfect white choppers. Chiang Mai has Asia’s premiere dental college. After a bit of research we found Grace Dental Clinic. Grace specializes in farangs. The docs have all been trained in the States and Europe, most are professors at the dental college, and they all have spectacular English, as well as
their own spectacular teeth. The clinic is clean, sterile and state of the art. Staff is competent, friendly and well organized. It was a good choice.JD was the easy one… brief exam, his once-every-five-year cleaning, and a filling replacement. (He had a filling fall out in Oz. It was originally done in the 80’s. The doc then had told him it would only last 7 years or so due to its placement. It made it twenty. He’s not complaining…). For giggles he also had the laser whitening. Grand total for ALL procedures: US$340.
KK was a bit more complicated. Her history includes one incompetent orthodontist, one who had only the earlier damage to work with, and physiological considerations that led to a certain brittleness and mottling of her dentition. As well as a past history of some serious teeth grinding resulting in 12 cracked molars. The most recent quote in the states for the work she would need to rebuild her teeth and bite was around $25,000-30,000. Following the initial exam and panoramic x-ray, the first doc pretty much said: “This is above my pay grade. I need to go upstairs and get the boss”. The boss was a Boston U grad who was one of the professors at the dental college. She and KK had a detailed chat about desires, probabilities and timelines. Yes, the work could be completed before our visa’s ran out (August 28). Yes, she would personally be handling the work.
The number of molars that needed full crowns (all of them- 14 in total), plus 2 partial crowns (or on/in lays) dictated a full engineering study of KK’s bite mechanics. KK’s insistence that she would not entertain under any circumstance the possibility of braces yet again was also noted emphatically to each of the dentists she saw. So, models were built, teeth were designed, more models built, materials were discussed, gold verses aluminum verses all porcelain, etc., and models made yet again. In addition to the crowns, one veneer and a few filling replacements were also needed and addressed, and a cleaning and whitening was added for good measure. Finishing up with a custom made night guard ( which required making yet another model) to prevent doing the same injury to the newly designed beauties that are her new teeth. When the dust settled a schedule was in place, and a worst-case-scenario of finances was written up.
It was at this point KK was feeling a bit overwhelmed… She just had to stop by a nearby jeweler and have something pretty made up. A few something pretties actually. Nine pretty new nose rings to be exact. The gems were just so pretty, how was she to choose just one? Retail therapy at its best.
What was the dental damage you ask? How awful will this be? US$6,000 tops, inclusive of everything… When it was all said and done, 14 appointments and 5 weeks from the beginning, it ended up being about $5,500. The savings on work that needed to be done anyway, sooner rather than later, covered more than half of our total trip expenses. KK now has Magic Teeth. Beautiful, wonderful, sparkly Magic Teeth. (Just after her last clinic day she was walking along when a truck stopped and waved her over. The driver, A Thai man, reached for KK’s hand and brought it to his lips. He then drove off. She knows he was so bedazzled by her new smile he just couldn’t help himself!)
JD spent a lot of time just puttering around on the scooter, increasing his Thai vocabulary (it's up to
fifty or so words now, not counting numbers), and supporting a local coffee shop that serves hill tribe grown organic coffee.We decided it would be a good idea to get a fresh visa stamp. The dental work was scheduled to be completed on the 26th, our visa was up on the 28th. This timing did not give any real safety margin of time. It is easy to hop a border and get a freshy. KK had a ten-day window between her temporary crowns and the installation of the permanent teeth. We thought a quick trip north would be in order. Mae Sai is the northernmost point in Thailand, and home to a walking bridge to Burma.
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