15-27 June: Gili T, Padang Bai to Sanur

15-27 June: Gili T to Padang Bai to Sanur

Gili T looked great from the water: Turquoise shallows, white sand, waving palms, bamboo and thatch buildings and huts. Aesthetically positioned hotels and businesses. It is the physical manifestation of an imaginary tropical get-away. Much to our delight (and relief) it was as laid back as promised. Yes there are still people trying to sell you stuff, but they are doing it on island time. This place has not suffered from traffic loss. Everyone is laughing and joking most all the time.

We checked out a few places and settled on Dive Indonesia, one of a number of dive/bungalow operations. All shops on the island are PADI 5 star, all charge the same fees: US$30 per dive with a retroactive 5% discount after the 5th dive. The break is in hotel rates for diving with them. There is also a one-time 30,000Rp reef tax. This goes towards the bio-electric reef constructs, as well as to pay the local fishermen to not dynamite fish the reefs.

The place oozes island charm in the daylight, and Bacchanal excess after dark.

There are multiple businesses that have little DVD/TV huts set up. Buy some food or drinks, sit and watch one of about 400 DVD titles for free. One place has what we called ‘The Big Sheet”. A king size flat sheet hung in front of six rows of padded mats with an LCD projection unit. They have 7:00 and 9:00 features. Just buy something to eat and/or drink. During the week we enjoyed Shrek 3, Oceans 13 (just three days post-release), Babel, Four Brothers, and quite a few others.

We dove twice a day. Our regular dive master/guides were Apu and his brother Tam. Being low season, it was just us almost every dive. All dives are boat dives, with a typical depth around 20 meters (60+ feet). Visibility was awesome, usually at least 50 to 75 feet. The areas that had been dynamite fished still showed quite a bit of scarring and dead coral (The fisherman takes sticks of dynamite and tosses them into the water. Concussion kills everything in range and the fish float to the surface to be scooped up by the fisherman). Recovery was obvious, and was proceeding quickly. New growth was abundant and flourishing. The dives were all drift, going with the current. Apu was an underwater eagle, spotting well-camouflaged critters dozens of meters away.

Both crawlies and swimmers abound: Cuttlefish, tropicals, sharks, rays, nudibranchs, lobster and non-herpes turtles. We see lots of turtles in Hawaii, many of which have large tumorous growths from turtle-herpes. Soft and hard corals are food and board to uncountable legions of sealife. JD would burn through a set of batteries before a dive was finished each and every time. Inevitably the neatest thing to see would show up after the final flashing red battery indicator went out. Oh well. The few hundred shots he did manage to take will just have to do.

Around 6pm the assorted restaurants would set up the daily fresh seafood trays. Little barracuda, grouper, bugs (lobster & prawn), and such, all caught right of the beach. Your choices are then grilled to your specs as you watch. A little dinner, movie and ice cream becomes an easy habit. We have yet to find food anywhere that measures up to Ubud, but we are not starving either.

Gili T has no motorized vehicles at all. Transport is by foot, bicycle and pony cart. It is also primarily a party island. They take their parties very seriously. A daily (nightly?) roving party is pre-scheduled in 7 different bars. It is all but impossible to find lodging that does not have a nearby party at least one night. The party starts about 10pm and goes, no shit, to 5am or later. Full techno/funk/trance bass beat thumping to the wee hours. Indonesia Dive was strategically located between Tir Na Nog (“The Irish Bar”) and Rudy’s Pub. Rudy’s was, according to the locals, the best party. Tir Na Nog was second. Rudy’s hosted Friday nights. The Irish bar had Tuesdays. These were the soothing island sounds we got to sleep by… Sleep being a relative descriptor, for three of our eight nights. This place must be completely insane during high season. A small price to pay considering how excellent everything else was, especially compared to Lombok proper. In deference to the Islamic holy month of Ramadan, the parties actual stop. This is around October. The island mosque, like all mosques, has loudspeakers to give the five daily calls to prayer. The only tough one is the sunrise call. It is important to find lodging away from the broadcast towers…

According to the locals, busy season starts in about three weeks. Italians first, followed by the Germans, then the Ozzies. “Augustus” can get so busy it is impossible to walk along the street. People will show up and there are no rooms left at all. Sleeping on the beach is risky, mostly because high tide comes all the way in. The locals are laid back and relaxed. They are actually enjoying the last of the calm before the season. 1,500 full time residents live on Gili T, with another 1,000 or so between Gili Meno and Gili Air. Quite a few commute between islands. Meno and Air are much less party/activity oriented.

All manner of recreational substances are boldly advertised for those who partake. Don’t think it’s all kids ripping it up either. There was a family group from St Louis: Parents, parent’s friends and the kids. (Kids being in their twenties or so) The patriarch, whom the locals called Mr. Beer, though he preferred the moniker “Uncle Beverage”, would be up shortly after KK and having his first beer of the day. With his beer he would have a morning smoke. The type our Ozzie mate Gil calls ‘Wacky Baccy”. The bartender would twist up a big fat spliff and Mr. Beer would relax, toss back a few cold ones and get his first buzz of the day on.

We had a treat for our goodbye dinner. We decided to go to the “resort” waterfront restaurant, candles, music, waves, etc. The Maitre D’ had actually been to North Dakota on a restaurant exchange program. He seemed to think we were some kind of entertainers and tried to get us to perform. KK is often mistaken for Bonnie Raitt… The meal itself was different. JD had ordered a honey-roasted breast of chicken with veggies. What he received was a mangled de-boned thigh of unknown origin, tougher than leather and pretty much inedible. KK had a delightful sweet and sour fish. It’s all worth a good chuckle.

We have a 7 am departure to catch the private ferry in Sengiggi. It is also Friday Night Party at Rudy’s. Who needs sleep anyway?

There is not a lot of sunrise activity on Gili T. KK was usually the only one up and about for her morning walks/yoga by the beach. She did get approached by a “Kuta Kowboy” the first morning we were there. Kuta Kowboys are the Bali/Lombok version of a gigolo. He had offered to take her on a nice boat ride to see the sunrise. She mentioned her husband would really enjoy that as well… He paled a bit, mumbled some apologies and took off. The sunrises are indeed spectacular, if you can be conscious at that hour (6:35am along the equatorial region…)

For our O’dark thirty departure it was up at 6, packed and off to the boat landing by 6:45. JD had checked out the Rudy’s party until about midnight. He figured if it was going to keep him up anyway, he might as well see what was going on. It looked to be everything advertised. Two English blokes we had been diving with and he enjoyed some local coffee before the event to keep their energy up. One of the blokes was still up and waved goodbye when we headed towards the boat.

Interesting sidebar: The English blokes were both carpenters. They would work 4 to 6 months per year, then holiday the rest. Why? If they crossed into the next income bracket, even by a few pounds, their tax rate would go to almost 60% from 40%. So unless they could guarantee themselves enough additional income, it would cost them more to keep working.

The Lonely Planet guides are fantastic resources. Facts are as researched as they can be, Considering the shear volume of information, fluidity of businesses and ever changing political nature of many countries LP does a fantastic job collecting and updating their info. As a whole their editorial policy is to always try and say something nice. They do have “hazards & warnings” sidebars, though never as a focus of information. When Lonely Planet says the port village of Bangsal is a pit with no reason to exist other than to provide a home for the bottom feeding scum of Lombok, we do take notice. Bangsal is a fly-speck on the shore of Lombok onto which almost all boats leaving the Gili’s unload. The denizens that haunt this off-load point are the crème de’ la crème of the scammers, cons, pickpockets and rip-off artists. LP recommends avoiding this port if at all possible.

Of course, our boat-bus-ferry trip has us dropped here first. Even at 7am the scammers try to tell you the bus has left, there is no Parma boat, Boat is cancelled, they will happily drive you, etc, etc, etc. We had been prepared for that. What we did not expect was the ¾ mile trek to the actual transfer bus. Thank goodness we had lightened up our backpack load in Bangkok.

The Parma boat was great. It had about 30 people, including a couple from Ballard (Seattle). JD noticed a pair of Keen sandals and an REI backpack and made the assumption of Portland or Seattle which made him seem “spooky” to the unknowing couple. They being surprised that he could intuit where they were from. There was breakfast and lunch, and a section of deck covered in beach sand. All in all a pleasant trip, for 100,000 RP less than the trip over. And no puke on KK’s feet. This alone making it worth twice what we paid.

A night in Padang Bai seemed like a good idea. We didn’t want to hold a grudge against the place just because the transport touts are a bunch of manipulative shits. It is a quiet little place once you are away from the dock. We found a “rice-loft” style bungalow to call home for an evening. Fans and mozzie net. It had character, and it also had a hole in the mozzie net… On JD’s side. Still not awful. The used bookshop in town gave us our best trade-in rates ever. Traded two, and got a different one in return. We had a bite at a waterfront place. The host/owner asked where we were from. When he heard America he got a huge grin, waggled his thumb and pinky and growled “Whaaazzuupppp!” Sometimes it is OK to be embarrassed by our pop culture. Though I’d still rather hear ‘whaaazzzuuup” than anything about Paris Hilton…

Some of the mandatory tools of modern travel are ATM and credit cards. All good banks are paranoid about unexpected charges, especially from foreign nations. That is why you should always make sure your card issuer’s know your specific itinerary. Twice even. Inevitably, they will freeze your card anyway, at least once. For JD it was in Oz. Handled with a quick overseas call on a calling card. KK’s card was frozen here in Indonesia. We knew it had to be from the dive-hotel charge. Bank of America sent her an e-mail saying her account was frozen, and it gave an online system to confirm charges. It wouldn’t let her in. We had to call. Did you know there in no way to make a collect overseas call from Bali? Nor could we use any of our three calling cards. We didn’t have the cell phone (it was in Bangkok) so we couldn’t buy a cheap SIM. We had no intentions of picking up the tab for a direct dial call with the twenty-minute voice mail maze either.

Since we have more than one bit of plastic we were still fine. It was more annoying than anything else. We moved along to Sanur (“Snore” for the more active travelers).

Sanur is unique amongst the tourist resorts of Bali. All buildings are restricted to less than three stories, Touts are not allowed to roam free and piss off the tourists. The beach has a wonderful paving-brick esplanade that runs its entire length (again without the pestering type touts). Clean white sand, and a reef break about 50 meters out that keeps the water just offshore calm and serene. It is the only city that is still controlled by the priests. When the first tourist hotel went up in the early 60’s, they immediately saw the possibilities, both good and bad, of the industry. They laid down the rules quickly, and have not veered from them since. This doesn’t mean there are no shop, restaurant or transport touts, it just means they have stricter, enforced regulations concerning where and how they can annoy you…

We found an amazing organic foods and juice place, making KK’s weekly fast day so much easier, as well as an Italian restraint to die for. There was also a gelato stand attached to the Italian restaurant… ‘Nuf said.

There was a family from Hawaii staying at the Segung Agung. They had lived in Key West for 9 years before they got tired of the hurricanes. Fix your property up, get it all blown down, fix it up again. It gets old after a while.

The few days in Sanur where a pleasant way to end our Indonesia trip. We hooked up with “Jonny Gusti” for transport to the airport. The transport touts are still numerous in Sanur. Jonny Gusti figured out a niche. Once he was able to confirm our Americaness, he went full patriotic: He had a cap from a US warship based in San Diego, a US flag on his hip pouch which he took off and kissed, and a collection of John Denver memorabilia. Whipping out a harmonica he played Amazing Grace and that West Virginia John Denver tune. (He played both extremely well.) It completely endeared KK, and even impressed JD. We still figured he could do the same for two or three countries at least, but hell, you do what you gotta do to get business here. At least he was trying.

We had time to see Ulu Watu, Dreamland and a short driving tour of South Bali. Our departure day coincides with one of the two primary holy days. This one is Good & Bad Spirit Day. Appease the good, drive away the bad. EVERYONE is in ceremonial garb, with extra elaborate offerings being carried about, attached to vehicles, hanging from walls, plus all the normal daily offering locations.

We had been watching tall bamboo penjor being assembled and planted for the past couple of days. They are 20 feet tall with banana leaf frills and fronds, dried flowers and a hanging palm frond basket at the top. They are a direct offering to Gunung Agung (Mother Mountain). They stay standing for 30 days, are dug up and burned (in a ceremony of course), and the ashes are buried. As we have mentioned, the Balinese take their ceremonies very seriously.

Ulu Watu is one of the oldest temples on the island. It is built into the western facing Cliffside of South Bali. We are able to wander most of the grounds, however, being a holy day we cannot enter the temple courtyard or the temple itself. It is a spiritually powerful location, with a combination of rugged earth, crashing waves and a huge ocean vista. The sunsets are allegedly the most amazing on earth. We can see the possibility of that being an accurate statement. Next time we will show up in the evening.

Dreamland is development gone astray. The original plan was an upscale condotel/home community with golf course, shopping, entertainment, etc. The reality was a takeover by the indescribably corrupt son of the prime minister who spent more time lining his and his cronies pockets with developer kickbacks and less time actually building anything. There is a small surfer’s cove that actually does have a regular clientele, just not from the demographic envisioned.

Indonesia needs your last 100,000 Rupia as a departure tax. Indonesians also have to pay the same. This makes international travel virtually impossible for the typical Indonesian citizen. We pay our 200,000 Rp and head to the international gates. Even here the shop touts aggressively try to get you into their shops. We are off to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia!

Observations on Bali/Lombok:

Bali as an island is beautiful, lush, full of artisans and craftspeople, and has an impressive level of local spirituality.

There are an infinite number of crooks, scammers, cons and rip-off artists.

There are an equal number of people with a fierce pride and devotion to their island and way of life. (Yes some are from the above category)

A very large number of the island’s Hindu population (read: most of the island) are not real keen on Muslims right now.

The best rule of thumb: “Don’t Trust Anyone”

The economic desperation leads to aggressiveness, which turns off visitors, leading to more desperation…

After the political interference in 1963, resulting in a major volcanic eruption, the Balinese people are ever skeptical and wary of the government based in Jakarta.

The positive still outweighs the negative. We will be back, and intend to fill part of a shipping container with stuff.

Statistics:

Days in-country: 27
Photos taken: 1,860
Touts refused: 2,546,897
Touts used: 12
Wrong change: almost every time
Correct change: 16
Times “NO” said: 124,234,145,789.
Average Temp: 32 C (89 F)
Rainy Days: 0.5
Dives: 16 each

Helpful Hints for the World Traveler

Hello everyone. We are currently in Indonesia. Internet connection speed and reliabilty is even worse than New Zealand. I wanted to post something, so we came up with this handy hints page. No photos, as we'd rather not spend 12 hours in the internet cafe waiting for them to upload. We do have some spectacular images from Bali, and some highly entertaining incidents that will be posted when we return to Thailand.

Minutia, trivial observations, and travel hints:

Traveling abroad requires a certain repositioning of ones mindset. There are a myriad of ways to have the time of your life. There are an equal number of ways to create an experience that will leave you cowering in your own basement, the quintessential xenophobe. Be aware that you, and only you, are responsible for choosing how your experiences enrich and expand your life. “Good” and “bad” are not appropriate descriptors for the vast majority of these experiences. Pleasant and Unpleasant would be a better way of labeling the emotions associated with any given event, if you must label them at all. Any emotional response is subjective, meaning it is your opinion, as to its effect, positive or negative on your life. Again, it is your choice in how you respond/react/process these events

That being said, it is my opinion all experiences enrich your life. I bring this up to help understand the following stories and adventures:

In Bangkok a motorcycle taxi was tagged by a car, flipping the bike and driver into the grassy median. The driver lost his helmet and a shoe at impact. His bike was mangled, however he stood right up and seemed mostly OK. He signaled the driver to wait, which he did. After collecting his helmet he got into the car, presumably to be taken for a check-up. His bike remained lying in the median. No anger, no yelling, no gesturing. Shit happened, and then it was handled. Just an experience.

A guest at a Thai spa resort was missing a belonging from their room. They calmly, though repeatedly, discussed it with the cleaning staff. Finally, after realizing the staff had little English and was saying “yes” to please and save face, they went to the management. Eventually the issue was handled to their satisfaction. An experience that could have been stressful and negative yet wasn’t.

A girly-bar called an ex-pat owner of a different bar to help with a farang situation. The ex-pat found a middle-aged Englishman who was pissed-off about a bar tab and was refusing to pay. He had been putting his and a bar-girls drinks on a tab, not knowing what the cost of either was… The bar expected him to settle, as well as pay the bar-fine for his new lady friend. Once the story was understood, the ex-pat had little sympathy for his inebriated countryman. After much belligerent sputtering the Englishman finally was made to understand he needed to pay the bill or go to jail. Probably a negative experience for the bloke, but just an experience for everyone else involved.

A stunningly handsome American couple (that would be us…) keeps winding up at the wrong destination, initially at least, when taking taxis in Bangkok. They think they have the Thai pronunciation correct, and will think they understand the driver when he confirms (Almost all Bangkok cabbies have absolutely no English). Luckily they’ve been able to tell when they end up at the wrong place… Map scrambles and phrase searching ensue resulting in eventual understanding. Many smiles and apologies go both ways, and new experiences are added to the blog.

In Bali, Indonesia, a nice restaurant has a happy hour. A staff person makes an error and puts out older “happy hour special” info cards at the tables, which include food specials that no longer exist. Both the stunning American couple and the similarly aged Ozzies at the next table take advantage of the printed Tapas special: 3 for 15,000 Rupia (US$1.75, probably AU$2.05). The food is to die for, the presentation and quality astounding. The bill arrives and the Tapas are actually 3 for 18,000 Rupia (US$1.98, AU$2.35). The server is apologetic and explains the old card situation. The Ozzies are losing their friggin’ minds: Growling, yelling, stomping, and generally making a scene. They literally throw the bill and some money at the manager, minus the 3,000 Rupia (US$0.33, AU$0.40) they feel was being “stolen” from them, and storm away from the restaurant. Now I dislike nickel and diming as much as the next guy, but this really did seem to be an honest error on the part of the eatery. The erroneous cards were not out when we, oops, I mean the handsome American couple, went back the next night…

A stunningly beautiful American redhead is dining a beachfront Bali establishment. Aggressive vendors ply their wares along the strip. These include newspaper vendors. She buys a local paper. The vendor names his price and she pays. Afterwards the math catches up with her. US$5 for the $0.50 local paper. She is not happy (Pissed off beyond recognition would be the best descriptor), however she learns that in this particular country all transactions need to be scrutinized, and even buying a newspaper requires negotiation. She now has a “cheat sheet” table with monetary conversions spelled out. Just another experience.

An early twenties California surfer-dude on his first real trip out of the states is on the last leg of a 28-hour trip: SFO (San Fran) to Nagasaki to Hong Kong to Bangkok to Bali. He was coming off an 8-hour layover in BKK. Nice kid. Very pumped about catching the legendary breaks off of south Bali. All of his earthly possessions are packed with his board. We help him with exchange rate info and how to not get red flagged through immigration and customs: Don’t even joke about drugs, explosives, religion, or smuggling, especially as a younger, profile fitting westerner. (Everyone but the US publicly profiles… Other countries don’t care if you are offended, they are protecting themselves, their economy and their citizens.) His board bag was not appearing and he was getting nervous. We asked to see his bag receipt. It was tagged through BKK…
Fortunately he had a local ex-pat mate meeting him. We figured the mate would be able to interpret at the baggage office to get his bag transferred down. Our bags had been bag-napped by the aggressive “porters” so we had to bolt. (More on that in the Bali Blog) He was bummed, but still pumped about his adventure yet to come.

ONLY you get to choose how your experiences will affect you. It is OK to get peeved occasionally, just don’t own it.

The Stunning American Couple offer Handy Helpful Hints for the World Traveler:

Cell Phones:
Local (country) SIM cards are cheap and plentiful all over the world. Shopping around can net you a pre-paid plan with 7 cent/minute international rates with no roaming charges. Two very important things: your phone needs to be tri-band (3G) to work anywhere in Asia, and it needs to be “unlocked” for SIM cards from carriers other than your home one. This is a code you get from your carrier, and shouldn’t have any fees. If you don’t want to switch out SIM cards, you need to confirm your home provider has reciprocation with carriers in other countries. We have been quite happy with no phone.

Language:
English is understood and spoken many places. Just remember everyone everywhere does not speak it. If they do, it is often with a limited vocabulary related to their job position. Spend the money on a Lonely Planet, Rough Guide, or similar. Tear out the “survival phrases and words” pages and carry them with you. In all countries that are not France, any attempt to communicate in the local tongue will score you major brownie points. No matter how you might butcher the words, you will be met with smiles. If you ask, pronunciation and vocabulary assistance will be graciously and willingly provided. At the same time, a perceived proficiency can result in a lightning speed spiel of words that leaves you with the open-mouthed Deer-in-the Headlight look… On the flip side, subtleties in pronunciation can lead to very different meanings. In Bahasa (Indonesian), lenge is pronounced, “lehng-hay” with a very soft “g”. It is a sesame seed. Lene, “lehn-hay”, no “g” means stupid.

Paranoia will always restrict your experiences, however due vigilance is still important. A bit of knowledge concerning local customs (buy a guidebook…) will help separate the friendly from the predatory. For instance, in Thailand no stranger will just walk up to you on the street and initiate a conversation unless they are trying to separate you from some cash. Vendors and service people can be incredibly gregarious when you are a “customer”, and most touts are just blatant about what they are representing. In polite Thai society it is extremely rude to just casually approach a stranger and initiate conversation. Soooo, if someone notices you walking along and offers to help you find a good deal on [insert product here] or “needs help” with [insert potential money-making scheme here], or [attraction xyz] is closed today, but he/she will take you to the next-best-thing, just say “no”. If they actually touch you, even casually, you can be assured they are not legit. Or just could be selling Amway.

In Bali and especially Lombok, if someone is speaking, or even just breathing, it is safe to assume they are trying to rip you off.

Conversely in Egypt, India and Indonesia strangers will regularly stop you and ask where you are from, where you are staying, if you are married, how old you are, how do you like their country, etc. Small talk and casual touching is considered basic politeness. It does make it tougher to surmise who has non-gracious intentions, though certainly not impossible. When unsure, politely separate yourself from the conversation (see the guidebook…). If that doesn’t work, there’s your answer.

An awareness of local holidays can reduce lodging and transport stress. We have had a few instances of being caught unawares. Two years ago in Thailand we did not know how big Loy Kratong was. We thought it was a small local festival up north… It turns out to be a nationwide celebration, easily equal to Christmas and New Years in scope. It added an extra level of interest to that portion of the trip, flights and hotels booked out to everywhere interesting. New Zealand got us twice, once on the north island, once on the south (A twelve hour driving day with that one). Guidebooks don’t always have all those holidays listed, or their national implications explained. A little online action will fill the gaps quickly.

Gadgets:
Almost anything that powers through a transformer (the little cube with the prongs on it for the cell phone, the rectangular box for the laptop wire, the little holder for the rechargeable battery) made in the last 5 years can handle 100-240 volts. Laptops, cell phone chargers, battery chargers, etc. Each and every one will have a UL stamp/sticker and an “input” voltage rating. If it DOES NOT range to 240 volts, it will burn in Oz, NZ, anywhere in Asia, and most, if not all, of Europe. (Fudd, please correct me if I am wrong). Plug adapters will be needed for US toys pretty much everywhere except Thailand.

NZ has expensive inferior internet (NZ$10 plus per hour average). Oz is a bit better. Thailand rocks- High speed pipelines at reasonable rates, US$1-2 per hour, or oftentimes free at the right place… Egypt has a mixed bag, dial-up through DSL, less than US$5 per hour. Indonesia has a similar mixed bag, tending towards the slow side. Asian and Middle Eastern countries do restrict and censor web access through central servers, so you might not be able to access all the sites you want. If you are handling financial issues it is best to have your own computer, and good firewalls and security.

Watch out for gray market electronics: Same manufacturers, but without the US warranties and protections. You will usually pay less, but will have no customer service rights if something doesn’t work.

Buying Stuff:
By the mere fact we could afford the plane ticket to any Asian country, we are rich by local standards. Bill Gates rich. That doesn’t mean you want to, or should be willing to, pay a huge markup over the reasonable price, but don’t get too bent out of shape if you see a local paying less for a food or service than you did.

Numbers are the same the world over, and most vendors and shopkeepers will punch numbers into a calculator to show you so there is no confusion. Haggling is up to you. All “non-western” countries expect at least a feeble attempt at bargaining. Nowhere in Asia has a return policy. Once you buy it, you own it. If it self-destructs in five seconds, oh well. If it dissolves in the washing machine, oh well. If it is not a real $2,000 diamond for $75, but is actually chipped glass… you get the picture.

Be aware of what can and cannot get through customs. Objects of religious significance could land you in hot water leaving most Asian countries, while objects made from assorted rare and endangered animal parts will get you in heaps of trouble coming into the States. “Unlicensed” software and entertainment media will also get you some extra time with the officials at the airport. Dried spices are usually OK checked, anything “live”, fruits, cuttings, etc can’t go anywhere, especially Oz and NZ. In NZ you can face a steep fine for mud on your shoes. Just a few months ago a star rugby player had his cleats confiscated because Ozzie mud was still on them and had to pay a fine. Imagine A-Rod having his cleats taken away at JFK because there was Canadian dirt on them… When in doubt, ask at the airport. If you ask, the worst that can happen is you can’t keep something. If you don’t declare, and it is restricted, you face fines and possible jail time. Sometimes there can be too much adventure!

With street vendors and small merchants: Generally come back with half the asking price in Thailand, settle at 70%. In India and Indonesia come back with 30% or less, unless you know it’s a decent deal to start with. Try to settle near 40% of the original. Don’t feel bad; no one will sell a product at a loss… Never be afraid to walk away. Another vendor will have the exact same thing down the street, or in the next village. If you can’t find a willing seller anywhere, then is the time to consider increasing your offer. It helps to have an idea what a product or commodity typically sells for to the locals, or back home. Keep exchange rates in mind. If you are separated by 20 cents on a ten-dollar item, pry your ass open and get the two dimes out. Important to remember: That really cool indigenous pattern tapestry/carving/vase/mask/etc that looks awesome on the palm-wood thatched wall of the artisans shop will be living in your home. Will it look as cool there?

Everywhere: Buyer Beware.

In India and Indonesia, and somewhat in Egypt, be prepared to confirm and haggle the price of everything. Even a grocery store will charge whatever it wants, despite a price sticker on an item. We purchased a deodorant, clearly marked 5,200 Rp. The clerk rung up 8,200 Rp. We caught the error immediately and pointed it out to the clerk. She said: “old price, not right”… We did need deodorant, and the difference was all of 33 cents. The point being you can’t assume even the fixed-price stores are. Oh, and she tried to give me change in hard candy…

Another thing to remember is weight restrictions for checked bags vary between carriers and countries. You might be able to have a 32-kilo per bag limit one way, but only a 20-kilo per bag on the return. You might have a two bag, 20 kilo each, or a two bag 20 kilo total limit on the same carrier depending upon you ticket type…

Nationality:
Despite what the media says, Americans are not despised and reviled throughout the entire world. This doesn’t mean everyone loves us either- common sense and the State Department website can help you figure out who those people are. Our money spends just like the rest, sometimes better. The Pound and the Euro get more bang per unit, but we don’t slouch, at least in Asia. We won’t be hitting Canada anytime soon… Not a single person of any religious or political persuasion has threatened or bothered us. Just like in the states themselves there are a lot of people who can’t find America on the map… Oh, and the easiest way to tweak a Canadian is to tell him/her you are an American. He (rightfully) will protest he is one too, then again so are Mexicans. (Technically anyone form North, Central or South America are Americans… Yo Habla?)

Anyway, people are people most everywhere. Aside from the obvious hotspots and war zones it is fine to be a westerner abroad.

Local Customs:
Head touching is a no-no in Thailand and Indonesia. Likewise putting feet up, pointing feet at things or people, and wearing shoes inside homes, hotel rooms, and nicer small establishments is rude. If there is a pile of shoes outside, add yours. If you look inside and no one has shoes on, leave yours outside. Don’t close or hold doors with your feet.

DO NOT INSULT THE KING OR QUEEN in Thailand. The Thai people adore and revere the royal family. Say what you will about the government or PM, just don’t denigrate the Royals. Recently a Swiss tourist faced 72 years in Thai prison for defacing 6 portraits of His Royal Majesty in Chiang Mai. He had been drinking. Six locals beat the living shit out of him and then called the police. You can be sure the police were not really nice to this guy either… He was sentenced to 7 years. After a month or two the King himself commuted the sentence. The tourist was deported for life.

An Israeli tourist was killed on Koh Pha Ngan at a full moon party a few months ago. After the sensationalist headlines (“Head constable’s son murders tourist!”) the real story came out. Turns out the tourist was totally trashed, had been aggressively pawing unwilling Thai ladies all night, insulting and fighting with the locals, insulting Thailand, and being a real asshole. The final straw dropped when he began loudly berating the King, Queen and Princess. He may have even thrown things at the royal portrait. (ALL businesses in Thailand have at least one royal portrait visible. Check your local Thai restaurant at home, I bet it has one too.) The head constable’s son, already not famous for his cool head, had had enough. He physically took out the tourist. The constable’s son was also was a Muay Thai competitor. Muay Thai is Thai Boxing, one of the most physically punishing of the martial arts.

One more time, together: DO NOT INSULT THE KING OR QUEEN!

Topless sunbathing is rude. Small talk is polite (see language). Be aware it is more polite in Asian society to just say “yes” and agree than to contradict or correct. Phrase questions carefully and specifically. You can easily end up with answers that are more about what it is thought you wanted to hear, rather than actually handling your needs.

Always confirm fare total before getting into transport. Also confirm it covers everyone, and your bags. Smile knowingly when you do this. In Bangkok always say “meter” in a taxi, and watch it turn on. It will start at 35. Meters don’t negotiate, all others do (and you should at least try). Most guidebooks give a general cost idea for different transport options. In Non-meter transport be sure to let the driver know you do not need to see the paintings/sculptures/art/jewels/secret places or anywhere else he gets a commission for kidnapping and bringing you to.

Tipping is becoming “expected” in more touristy areas, mostly the fault of Americans. In most Thai restaurants outside Bangkok itself it is ok to just leave small change on a large bill. It is good form to show that a few Baht don’t matter after a few hundred Baht meal. It is actually insulting to leave a sizeable tip on a cheaper meal. You are telling the server that he/she needs your charity.

Indonesia, so far, adds a 10% tax and 5% service charge to all food bills, then try to short your change for the closest big round number…

You must request the bill (not check, that is something you write…) pretty much everywhere outside the US. In Thailand a server quietly waited for us to realize it was a half-hour past closing and ask for the bill…

Oz and NZ hate being confused with one another… Also tipping is not a local custom in either country. All taxes are included in the posted price of anything. If someone in the bar “shouts” a round, and you participate, you are expected to “shout” a round in return. Kiwi’s think their coffee is the shit, and charge dearly for it. We have a differing opinion.

Asia is the home of the squat toilette. A “flush” to the floor porcelain bowl. The big water bucket will have a smaller bucket inside. It is for flushing, and wiping in the case of no paper. Use your left hand for “cleaning”… Concurrently, you should never pass or receive money, food, or anything with your left hand. Very insulting.

Minor Inconveniences:

Peroxide based contact solution cannot be found anywhere outside the US, except maybe Canada. Plain deodorant is also a tough find. Everything seems to be anti-perspirant.

Aggressive touts that turn you into a walking bobble-head doll “no, no, no thanks, no, nono” and the local dialect of “no” become a cadence. “Left, left, left, right, left: No, NO, No Thanks, NO”

Highly suspicious organic substances on sidewalks and in the streets. Animal? Human? Alien? On a tropical hot and humid afternoon the natural process of decay can become a physical entity, able to walk up behind you, tap you on the shoulder, and shoot up your nose. No, you don’t ever really get used to it…

It has been mentioned before, but here it is again: If you don’t like the way Asians drive, stay off the sidewalk and out of the hotel lobby.

Bug smear on the laptop screen, ants in the DVD/CD tray. Toshiba builds a good product.

Moments of Joy:

Little old people just wanting to help. A little ancient Thai lady shuffling after KK down the street shouting in a loud high pitched whisper “hellohellohellohello” because KK had walked past the place she was trying to find.

Mom & Pop type operations that will store your luggage do your laundry and be generally excited you chose them. They exist all over. We have found them in every country we have visited so far.

Locals taking the time to help with vocabulary and pronunciation. Even for our Kiwi English, Ozzie English, and Hawaiian.

Finding the killer restaurant or food stall, and having the employees recognize us after the second visit.

Having the pidgin mash of local dialect and pantomime result in actual understanding, complete with laughing and smiles.

Finding the “I can’t believe I found [insert desired product here] for only [5% of what it would cost anywhere else]” deal.

Greasing the wheels:

Know the visa situation(s). Most countries have Visa on Arrival (VOA), Americans usually get 30 days. Oz requires visa in advance, as do Vietnam, India, and China. It can often be handled online, but will sometimes require a trip to an embassy. Be leery of any company that will promise visa’s cheaper than the posted rates.

Dress respectably, and be polite at immigration control. No matter how bad you think your trip may have been to that point, annoying the immigration officer is guaranteed to change that for the worse.

Shooting from the hip is a blast. We tend to do that after our first night in a new location. Knowing where your first nights lodging is makes transport less of a process, and gives you a chance to get the lay of the land. You can always move later. Additionally, if there are unexpected delays with transport, you won’t be trying to find a place to stay after hours.

Hotel/hostel business cards and downloaded addresses/directions can save years of miscommunication when trying to get to your lodgings. It won’t be 100%, but it will make a ton of difference. At minimum have a phone number, and then the driver can call and get directions in the local dialect.

Always keep in mind that it’s all-good. Sitting on a porch watching the geckos fight over who gets the best part of the ceiling, that bit closest to the light, is not a bad way to spend a few evenings.